One where there is room to explore my thoughts further and that exploration is given the time and attention it deserves. One where that exploration segues into the other’s thoughts and ideas and the focus naturally shifts to them. A meaningful conversation that creates a connection between us.
The last time I recall having conversations like this is in college with my mentor. That was nearly ten years ago. I am glad she showed me what was possible. Since then I have found a person with genuine interest in what I have to say is rare. I know they are out there, I have met them. I should try harder at making friendships from those once or twice encounters.
The more typical conversation I find exhausting, for it feels like two people playing a game of one-upmanship, volleying their story, experience, and idea across the table. There is no time or care taken to really listen and be curious, just time enough to think of a comeback… “Oh, you like that? I like this.”, “That sounds wonderful. This other wonderful thing happened to me.”, “I’m sorry you had that awful experience. I experienced something similar… it might even be worse.” and on and on it goes.
I must admit I am guilty of conversing this way recently. I do it to engage with the other person and to be assertive. In the moment it feels exciting and empowering to throw my thought across the table just as I receive theirs, but I walk away exhausted and lonely.
I might stop returning the volley and go back to just listening, to give others the gift of being heard, and wait for the rare person to return the favor and give us the gift of connection.
Anudari Batjargal 